drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
