Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
