When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
