i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
