I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
