I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
