so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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