Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
