Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
