Are we in a gay sports bar?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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