That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
