I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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