You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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