Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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