wakey wakey hands off snakey
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
