I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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