drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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