Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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