worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude. I can hear the air.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
