I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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