I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
