Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
