until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
