bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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