Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
