He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
