apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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