wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
