omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
