The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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