Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
