and you said cock pushups were impossible
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
