Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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