I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
