we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
