I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
