Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rumble strips road head = magical
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
