FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
