She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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