I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
