GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
