Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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