I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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