a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
