shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
