you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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