someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drake has all the answers
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
