He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
