It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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