Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
