I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
